Last night I dropped a battery operated candle and it shattered all over the kitchen floor.
I stared at the tiny pieces of glass that varied in size. The larger pieces would be a bit easier to pick up. And while I knew they’d hurt if we stepped on them, I knew it would be the smaller pieces, the ones harder to see, that could potentially cause more damage if we didn’t pick them up.
No matter what I did, I knew there was no way I could put it back together.
Braylon wanted to know if it was me or Emeryn who broke it, and I told him that wasn’t sure, but it was ok, we could get a new one. It wasn’t one of a kind and it could be replaced.
When you lose someone you love, it can feel like your world has shattered into what feels like a million pieces.
No matter what you do, you know there is no way you can truly put it back together. At least not the version that existed with them in it as the way that you imagined.
You can’t just get a new one. They are one of a kind and cannot be replaced.
Grief is an interesting emotion. It can look quite different day to day and from person to person. There’s the obvious moments that you expect it to hurt, like birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and other big moments.
Then, there’s the little moments day to day, where you’re in the kitchen making a pizza and start telling a story about how when you were little, you and your sister would have Nana put sauce on a plate for us to dip the cheese into for a little snack. And, for some odd reason you called the mushrooms that she put on Papa’s pizza alligator food and you don’t know whether to laugh or cry, or do a little of both.
I can’t believe it’s been 30 years since you made me a big sister.
Not a day goes by where I am not grateful for everything that you taught me and continue to teach me.
Things often get moved to tomorrow or next week or a different month. I’m trying to get better at making sure that I’m not moving the “things” that truly matter… because you think you have all the time in the world… until you don’t.
We will take time to celebrate you today, but know that it won’t be accompanied by dry eyes.